The Acolytes VS PyroOC Couplings
by Tigerific
Summary: Now with ten percent more Johnny goodness in every package!


This is an Elle and Pyromaniac Production. Quite simply, I wrote it after Pyromaniac and I ranted over all the OC's in the X Men Evolution world, particularly those that now obsess about John. 

I curse thee X Men 2 movie for all the John/OC stories you have spawned by flashing our fire happy bad boy in front of impressionable little girls.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Acolyte gang, sans John and Magneto, were chilling out at their newest HQ: Ye Olde Drunken Horse Pub, across the road from the Bayville Penitentiary and right beside the Elementary School. Without notice John burst through the door and ran towards their table.

"J'on, w'at's wrong?" Remy cried alarmed over his, according to some fanfiction authors that shall remain nameless, lover.

"Oh Remy! It's horrible! The fan girls! They're after me!" John ducked underneath their table. "Hide me!"

The door suddenly burst open. A busty five foot three inch tall girl, roughly the age of sixteen, with perfectly manicured nails, deep blue eyes that change to green and purple for no apparent reason and long blonde hair that was stylish tied up in a neat French twist with rainbow highlights. She was wearing a short leather mini skirt and red tube top. Her makeup was perfectly plastered to her face and her diamond earrings matched the diamond pendant she wore around her neck that held the secret to her mysterious past. She tottered towards the table in her nine-inch stiletto red shoes. "Hi! My name is Destiny Hope! My mutant powers are telepathy, the ability to fly, invincibility, super speed that never messes up my hair, …"

"My god, she is her own egotistical walking resume!" Peter murmured to Pietro.

"I think I dated her once in a story!" Pietro commented. "It's hard to tell, most OC characters are all the same.

"…I also can twist cherry stems with my tongue, leading to oh so many sexual fantasies from whatever guy I am pre-destined to hook up with… I also like the color red!"

"Uh…hi…" Peter shook the girl's hand. "I'm Peter".

"Yeah. Well, until you get a bigger role in the X Men movies and X Men: Evolution, I am going to just ignore you." The mysterious girl stated, as this author has already forgotten that she had mentioned the girl's name, and already blew the one actual interesting characteristic that her OC had going for her. "I came here looking for my lover Pyro."

"Wow. This is a lot of action happening in the first chapter of this story." Commented Pietro.

Remy sighed, "Lets 'ope dis story is only going t' be one chapter."

Sabretooth finished his lawnmower. "How come no one wants to hook up with me?"

"Your resemblance to a yeti is a little too much, even for the most perverse writer." Peter replied.

The mysterious girl stamped her foot. "Where is my darling Pyro? We are destined to be together because we share the same mysterious past!"

The door blew open again and another girl walked in. Apparently she is very gothish, whatever the hell that means, and wore a very upset expression. "Hello mortals, my name is Blaine the Dark Lady, I have come to collect my dark lover Pyro."

Destiny Hope smacked the girl across the face. "Get your own destined-to-be-together Marvel character!"

The two began to fight using their psychic powers. Blaine screamed, "Pyro and I share the same dark side! We must unite together and realize our wrong path and then, if there is time, take over the world!"

"No!" Destiny Hope bellowed. "I am here to appeal to Pyro's bad boy side and then I turn him down the righteous path!"

"Question," Peter interrupted, "do either of you know his real name?"

The girls stared blankly. "F***, I should know this, they mentioned it in the movie." Blaine cursed, "Uh, Bobby?"

Destiny Hope let out a piercing, yet sensual laugh, "Ha ha, you fool! It's Logan!" She turned into a white, glowing unicorn and gutted Blaine.

"Eww" the Acolytes chorused.

Blaine groaned. "If you kill me, five more gothish OC's will take my place!" Blaine dies.

"Tisk tisk" Sabretooth shook his head sadly. "People are so violent, can't we all just get along?"

Remy patted him on the shoulder as Sabretooth began to cry. "Dere, dere, one day we all will live in harmony."

Destiny Hope stopped gloating over her recent kill and turned her attention back to the Acolytes. "Tell me where Pyro is. You can't resist my OC charm."

Through one of her abundant mutant powers that she was "cursed" by, she attempts to brainwash the guys. Suddenly she collapses on the floor.

"I am still weak from my years of torment and abuse from my parents and old boyfriend."

"Suck it up princess." Pietro snarled. "This is starting to piss me off. All the girls use to like me and," he added quickly, "Remy. Now all they do is giggle and describe their nightly rendezvous with that fire freak! I'm so mad I could-"

"Squeak?"

Everyone stared at the squirrel that just walked in.

Pietro's face turned blue "Wrong fanfic writer furball!"

"Hey!" protested Sabretooth who broke into more sobs. Remy sighed and continued to stroke his back. The squirrel looked around hopefully for John to stand up for him to Pietro. John was nowhere to be seen and the squirrel sadly backed out of the pub.

"C-ya later rat face!" Pietro began to dance around triumphantly. "I beat that squirrel, I beat that squirrel, Oh yeah!"

The doors broke down and hundreds of OC girls began to cram into the pub. Two of them tackled Pietro and began to strangle him. "What did you do to MY Pyro?" the one that wore a cheerleader's outfit demanded.

"The squirrel said you had him locked away!" Said the other girl who later was entitled with the name The Red Head Skater Girl because thinking of names takes too much effort.

"I t'ought it was J'on who chained people t' walls?" Remy said, not mentioning any fanfic writer's names.

"Chains them to beds as well." Added Peter nonchalantly. "Those stories don't count anyway, they have more chapters than reviews. And most of those chapters are filled with descriptions of the sheets the girl is lying on anyway."

"Shut up!" exclaimed a girl named Ruby Red.

Pietro's face was now scarlet.

Peter watched with amusement but realized that he should step in before he had to be the Executor of Pietro's estate. "I don't think he will be able to answer you if he is dead." The girls released their grip and Peter continued. "Besides, Pietro has been with me all day… shopping, yes, shopping." 

Everyone shudders.

Destiny Hope got off the floor. "Everyone one of you losers get out! I want my Pyro!"

"You can't have him because I am Saseko, and I am a recently discovered mutant who has a mysterious, tortured past involving Pyro and –"

"That's my character description!" Destiny Hope yelled.

"Mine too!"

"You guys stole that from me!"

Peter sighed. "Everyone who had a mysterious past with John, please raise your hand." 

All the OC's raised their delicate and graceful hands. 

"Okay… Group Huddle!" Remy, Sabretooth, Peter and Pietro huddle, thus the name. "We need a plan to get rid of all these OC chicks."

"Can I eat them?"

"That can be Plan B."

Pietro giggled. "I got it! I'll get my sister Wanda to use that magicky power stuff and blast them back to their own dimension!"

Everyone nodded. "Good idea, but how are we going to find your sister?"

"With this!" Pietro pulled out a little whistle.

"Y'r sister responds t' a whistle?"

Pietro giggled. "No silly, watch!" He blew into it. In a puff of brimstone, Kurt appeared.

"Hi everybody!"

"Hi Fuzzy Elf!"

A couple of the fan girls started to reapply another coat of their make-up. "Aren't you that tortured guy that did all that horrible stuff in the movie without realizing it?"

"This is X Men Evolution fanfiction, I have fur and leet dancing moves!"

"Oh" The girls snapped their cosmetic cases shut. "We still like Pyro."

"Listen Kurt, I need you to find my sister and bring her here."

"Are you sure you want to use that as your second wish of the whistle?"

Remy gasped. "Pietro non! Use y'r whistle wishes for chicks an' cars!"

Kurt frowned. "You are going to wish me free with your third wish, right?"

Pietro began to sweat. "Just follow your order elf!"

Kurt disappeared and reappeared with Wanda in his arms. She looked around disappointedly "I thought we were going for a milkshake!"

Peter grabbed her arm and pulled her into the huddle. "Wanda we need you to use your powers to send these girls back to their own dimension."

"What's in it for me?"

"An Acolyte baseball cap."

"Deal!" Wanda got up and began to chant. "OC Girls be gone!"

And they were.

"Y' sent dem back t' deir own dimension!" Remy cheered.

Pietro looked at the scorch marks on the floor. "Yeah… I'm sure she did." 

Peter thanked Wanda and gave her the baseball cap. She and Kurt then left for a milkshake.

"Wait a minute! One is still left!" screamed Sabretooth as he jumped into Remy's arms.

Sure enough one figure still stood on the other side the pub.

"I thought 'our sister destroyed all da OC girls!"

"Actually", the figured said, "I'm a OC guy." He took off his cloak and underneath he wore a tight leather suit, because you can never have too many people wearing leather in a story. The raven-haired man smiled, his green eyes twinkling "My name is Brad. I'm all American. I enjoy reading gothic romance novels, long walks on the beach, and fire. My mutant power is the ability to never tire, even after strenuous activities."

John leapt out from underneath the table and landed in Brad's arms. "Lets go shopping!" 

Sappy music begins to play as the two leave into the sunset.

The Acolytes shuddered.

"I guess it is a good thing that those two hooked up, I mean, at least there won't be any little John's running around in a couple of years." Peter said thoughtfully.

"The firefighters sigh in relief, I'm sure." Pietro mused. 

"So wan' t' go on a panty raid mes amis?"

"Hurrahs!"

+++The End+++

I suppose the ending is somewhat hypocritical with John going off with my own, hastily slapped together, OC. To rid this little blemish off my record, Brad gets hit by a meteor outside the pub and, after poking the remains, John joins the gang in their boyish conquests at the Xavier mansion. 

In conclusion, keep X Men Evolution John and X Men 2 John in different categories.


End file.
